Heavy Heart

In my previous blog post (Here) I blogged about my aunt's cancer. She is one of THE Strongest women that I have or will ever know. She is handling her terminal cancer with such grace it amazes me!

When I saw her in December of last year she was happy to see my son and have him open his Christmas gift from her. (A set of Sesame Street books and a robotic stuffed wolf). She complained of back aches and was using a walker to get around the house. Then in February of this year my mom told me that my aunts cancer returned and even though she tried Chemo it was not successful and the cancer had spread. At that time we were urged to pray for her more than ever. We thought we were going to lose her in March so we packed up the SUV and drove the 8hrs back home to see her. She stated she was still there and not going anywhere. At the time she was living back with my grandparents so that my other aunt (her sister and brother) could care for her. The local Hospice was called in and she was making her funeral arrangements with my mother.

Unable to care for herself she relies on my other aunt and uncle to care for her everyday needs: food, bath, meds, etc. She has been placed on an oxygen machine to help her breath and is on very high dosage of pain medicine to help ease the pain discomfort. All the while she has been relaying her final wishes to my mother. During this time my mother went back home to live and help care for my aunt for a month. She continues to return every month for a week to care for final funeral arrangements and my aunts will.

My aunt was a elementary school teacher for over 27 years and recently retired due to her illness. She kept working through her chemo treatments and her diagnoses. Because of this my mother has set up a small scholarship in her name so that she is still able to teach even after her passing. In June her school hosted an event in which the staff and students honored my aunt with a special award and promised to contribute to her scholarship.

We recently got an update on her status and it appears that her body no longer has the strength to fight. She is struggling to breath and my mother feels she may leave us this month. I have come to dread my cell phone calls. Fearing I will get the call from my mother that my beautiful aunt has left us to be with GOD.

I struggle with my prayers right now from asking GOD to take away all her pain and receive her into his kingdom and to praying for a miracle and keep her here. I don't know what my life will be like without her in it. Out of all my aunts she is the one I was closest to. Her death will forever leave a hole in my heart. Please pray for her and my family during this difficult time for us.

Each day is a blessing to have her here with us.